2. She also sent me one of those forwards with supposed excerpts from high school papers. This one was new (and consequently funny), about metaphors. #9 was "The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't." That's someone who's been reading Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams. (Or possibly it was actually a line from Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams. I doubt the provenance of some of these things.)

3. We went to see my niece's school holiday show tonight. HILARIOUS. You know how every show with tiny kids has that one kid who bellows out the lyrics and in general is a ham? That would be my niece. She is not only a ham, she is bacon and a pork butt. My aunt and I were practically holding each other up, we were laughing so hard. That's my girl. You show them you're there.

4. My niece goes to the same grade school we started at, and some of the teachers are still there. One of them is our gym teacher, who started there the same time I did. I went up to her and said hello, and she was chatty, but I knew she didn't know who I was. (I wasn't expecting it, it's been a long time.) I grinned and said, "You don't recognize me" and she said no, and I said, it's Stef, and her face lit up and she gave me a big hug and said "Oh my GOSH! I would never have known! You were much slighter back then!"

5. Dude. When you get a damn-girl-you-got-FAT by one of your old teachers, it's time to go home.

6. I have a massive headache and my period started today. MERRY CHRISTMAS!