I'm a cheating ho, what can I say? But I have found so many people who like the same things, doing these. You're my seekrit John Denver fanclub, posing as hipsters to the outside world. You magnificent dweeby liars; I love you and your wistful nerdiness.

So! On to the music!

1. "Dragostea Din Tei", O-ZONE.

At long last, I have remembered to download the Numa Numa song. I still love you, Gary Brolsma. You get down with your bad self.

2. "Hey There Delilah", Plain White T's.

I always liked this and never knew what it was called. Or who did it. This is the story of my life; I used to be much better at the whole music "thing", but then I got old, grey, and unhip, and started wearing Land's End on a regular basis. You know how it goes.

3. "Get Busy", Sean Paul.

That shit is catchy. I feel like my mother, though. She always loved the Dead Milkmen because of "the scrufty little lead singer", truly enjoyed Vanilla Ice, and was the first one in my family to get into 10,000 Maniacs ("She dresses weird, and she dances weird, but oh, Stef, she has such a pretty voice!").

Actually, come to think of it, that's really not such a bad way to be, is it? Thank you, SNL, for making my mother a happenin' babe.

Also, no, seriously, I dare you not to dance to this one.

4, 5, and 6. The Holy Trifecta, Kelly Clarkson.

I am, of course, speaking of "Since U Been Gone", "Because of You", and "Miss Independent". The number one thing I hear about Kelly Clarkson is how surprised people are that they like a song that turns out to be one of hers. It makes me laugh, because that is totally me. Know how I found these? I searched "Kelly Clarkson" and sorted by Popularity. Know what made me sad? Her most popular download is..."My Grown-Up Christmas List".

Oh Kelly. Why must you break my heart?

7. "Follow Me", Uncle Kracker.

I liked it, and it was a surprisingly pretty song for a guy named Uncle Kracker.

Yeah, okay, I got nothin'.

(I didn't re-sort, though, and the second most popular download including the phrase "follow me" was "Follow You, Follow Me", and the juxtaposition cracked me up. I almost got that one, too.)

8. "The Mayor of Candor Lied", Harry Chapin.

This is my second most favorite "story song" by Harry Chapin. I first heard this while dating my crazy ex-boyfriend; his parents had On the Road to Kingdom Come on LP, and we played many card games at his house with this playing in the background. This whole album is great.

Not as great as "Taxi", though. My favorite memory of that song is from 2001, when I was helping one of my all-time favorite people move back to Jersey from Seattle. I'll never forget. It was our third day on the road; we'd done Seattle to Ontario Sunday, Ontario to El Paso Monday, and had just gotten through Houston on a misty, damp Tuesday night; on Mardi Gras, in fact. We were tired and not overly chatty. He started to flip through stations and caught "Taxi" at the beginning.

Leave this on, I said.

He complied, and we got quiet and just listened. We were both smoking, and I had my feet on the dash board and my knees under my chin, staring out the window into the fog and the damp. He said nothing till the end:

"That is possibly the saddest song I've ever heard in my life."

He had no idea how he'd missed it. In my head, though, that taxi ride now always takes place along a misty Texas interstate, just past twilight. And I never hear it without thinking of one of my very best friends in the entire world.

"The Mayor of Candor Lied" is totally not like that, but it's pretty awesome anyway.

9. "On the Road to Kingdom Come", Harry Chapin.

I love this one, too. It's much peppier. One of best memories of the aforementioned card games is hearing my ex's eleven-year-old brother happily bellowing the lyrics:

The Smoke Witch says - Wahoo!
And the Wise Man says - Me too!
And the Guru says - Wazoo!

So do what you do!

Harry Chapin: fun music for children. Whoda thunk?

10. "Nights in White Satin", the Moody Blues.

Because I could never find the goddamn version that includes "Late Lament" on CD. Well, not that I tried very hard. But still. I love--LOVE--that bit. One of the funniest things I have ever seen was the 1972 yearbook at my college: it had a hot pink cover with "Nights in White Satin" as the theme. You have to love a yearbook with an epigram that starts "Cold hearted orb that rules the night..." and includes a photo of the full moon over the spookiest building on campus. God bless the motherfucking 70s.

Thanks for coming, and we'll see you on the next edition of "Stef Has No Taste and $10 to Spare"!