2. If I see that "Here Comes Santa Claus" JC Penney commercial one more time, I am going to stab myself in the head with a spork.

3. I have only ever seen plastic sporks, so this threat is more powerful in the utterance than the deed.

4. I am perhaps a bit crazy, as I spent the hours from 10pm to 2am basically topless while my child decided to use me as an all-he-could-eat milk bar and refused to sleep more than fifteen minutes at a stretch unless I was holding him.

5. At one point during the siege, KC rolled over and put a pillow over his head, causing me to shriek "OH, YOU MUST BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" at the top of my lungs, which in turn caused him to ask petulantly, "What's your problem?"

6. He is not dead, which I think means I should be offered some kind of reward. This reward should come with some variation on Johnny Depp and chocolate, but I would settle for Adam Baldwin and a really good beer.

7. I finally smartened up, swaddled that baby (a skill I never managed with Leah), and he finally drowsed off till about 5:30. Victory!

8. KC keeps asking why I'm so cranky today. Sometimes I think he forgets we had a baby, or it is just beyond his comprehension that just because he is getting his beauty rest, not everyone else is.

9. Leah is lying on her back on the floor with her knees behind her head. I am not sure whether to call Cirque du Soleil or a convent.

10. The nicest thing about not being pregnant anymore is that I no longer have to pop a Zantac if I want a cup of coffee. It's the little things, really.